Do you do a ‘Home Audit’?

“The general definition of an audit is an evaluation of a person, organization, system, process, enterprise, project or product. The goal of an audit is to express an opinion on the person / organization/system (etc) in question, under evaluation based on work done on a test basis.

The in-laws and mumma are arriving ‘Together’ in the last week of this month. My niece is arriving the week before that – which effectively means I have only this weekend to be prepared for my yearly ‘Home Audit’.

I undertake the internal audit task once a month – mini sub-audits happen every weekend but the overhaul happens once a month!

When the family visits, I need to re-do the spaces at home. Make certain cupboards empty, make place for the big bags, ensure they can keep their medicines etc at arm’s length and more importantly see that the kitchen is stacked up with all the relevant items.

So I go on my ‘Home Audit’ and that requires planning. Audit planning is developing an overall strategy for the audit. The nature, extent, and timing of planning varies with the:

a) size and complexity of the entity - home set-up for arrival of guests/family, weekly-daily chores

b) experience with the entity – which is currently at 5 months,

c) knowledge of the entity's business  - a comfortable abode for all

In case the family is visiting, acceptance sampling is a strict no-no. (Acceptance sampling is sampling to determine whether internal control compliance is greater than or less than the tolerable deviation rate.) The entire entity will be scanned and re-scanned to ensure everything is in compliance with GAHP (Generally Accepted House Principles – which is a manual compiled from mom and mom-in-law’s rules and regulations over the years)

The first step in my audit is the asset classification which takes up maximum time. I have a tough time determining non-current assets i.e. clothes that I no longer need, dusting cloths that need to be thrown, utensils that are not being used regularly, bills and receipts of ages ago that have been and will be kept in drawers for as long as we live.

I find every excuse in the book and outside of it, to keep every single clothing I have in my wardrobe. Now that we have our own wardrobes, I find it even more difficult to decide which clothing I can do away with. But I will need to empty at least 2 compartments – some will be done away with in our luggage bags or given to charity with a heavy heart. Yes it hurts - Not only the fact that some favourites have got old but also the fact that you no longer fit into the fairly new ones owing to the newly found pounds in your body.

I do not as an unwritten rule venture into classifying MDH’s possessions – he is even more indecisive than I’m, especially when it comes to the matters of the cloth. The fact that he is on a weight losing spree has meant that the luggage bags have been opened to bring out the old clothes which still look brand new. Necessary disclosures for the above will be provided to the home advisories when they visit in 2 weeks time.

Compliance to the Kitchen & Bathroom Laws is mandatory. Fortunately I’m most finicky about these 2 places in my house. I can still manage to stand messy wardrobes & cluttered desks, but I need my kitchen and bathroom to be spick and span at any given time of the day; therefore, inspection of these places will pass the audit test even if surprise visits are thrown. Just that that additional sets of towels and napkins need to be unearthed from the cupboards, as they will be changed more frequently than I do. The fridge though needs to be visited to check for any expired items which need to be done away with immediate effect; unless I’m dying for a lecture from the advisories. I do a frequent check but at times I tend to forget as well.

Masalas and all other food items need to be re-arranged, cans and bottles need to be filled up with the requisite pulses, dals, raw materials for breakfast items etc. I also maintain inventory tags especially for the masalas – I now recognize them fairly well but I can get lost at times – Chilly Powder with Dhana-Jeera in it, Plain Chilly Powder, Goan Fish Masala, Chicken Masala, Kala Masala ( all look similar – trust me!) I don’t take the effort to remember when I have an easy way out.

Provisions for future assets will be recorded as additional shopping is warranted for quilts and bed-sets since some old ones were disposed off when we moved recently. Plus we expect additional guests along with the parents – sister-in-law and husband, friend and his spouse, cousins in short spurts for the next 3 months – I need to ensure ‘the entity’ is well-equipped and well stocked to handle these peak periods.

The joint director of the entity i.e MDH will be put on a high alert in terms of ensuring that the newspapers are kept in the designated slot, the other joint director is not hurried in the mornings so that she does not forget her routine checks, clothes are not scattered in and out of the wardrobe, things are kept and not dumped into the drawers so that when required finding necessary things is an easy task, and not a project in itself and that he does not lose the encryption key, which he often tends to, when the tasks are delegated to him.

The other employees i.e. the cook and the cleaner will be given clear instructions once the advisories take custody of the entity for the next 3 months.

The purposes of these audits may be varied, but they all yield unique value to the auditee. Such purposes may include:

a) Gaining an understanding of the area’s operations - They don’t need to understand they are subject matter experts in this area!

b) Evaluating the adequacy of the control structure for potential key issues and areas of concern - However perfect I maybe, mom and mom-in-law will always have their concept of perfection. I don’t think they agree with Aamir when he said in DCH that, ‘Perfection cannot be improved!’

c) Providing on-going feedback to area management - I’m not sure this has ever stopped and it will ever. However, this time around I secretly hope that the other joint director gets it more

d) Validating and reviewing data for completeness – Numerous visits to shopping malls and supermarkets will evidence that all is still not ok with the data provided.

e) Accuracy, and authorization, benchmarking, or assessing a data centre for security, operations, application maintenance, and system implementations - Ok I compete against super high standards – my home in Mumbai - done up my mom, is one of the most neat ones I’ve seen. Her sense of arrangement, colour co-ordination and utilization of all spaces in the house is impeccable. My mother-in-law, well she could be a contender for Monica’s mom when it comes to cooking and cleanliness

However, I think I’ll still come out with flying colours, after all I’ve taken the best of the both worlds. Moreover if it comes to comparability (Users evaluate accounting information by comparison. Similar companies account for similar transactions in similar ways) at the end of it all – I still think I’ll pass!

Reminiscences from cricket fans - 1

In response to this, my friend 'Ramster' of college days sent me this in an e-mail! The more I get hold of such pieces from the blokes I knew in college - the ones who helped enhance my knowledge of the game and had the patience to indulge in endless cricketing debates - the more posts will follow randomly. Most of these guys are currently in oblivion and I have hope that they will write in bits and pieces sooner or later! So let's sit back and enjoy these interesting reads.

A bit about Ramster - rarely spoke in college but post-college, online discussions proved interesting and was pleasantly surprised to receive this long mail from him.
I could not, not post it on a blog because this one needs a wider audience. With his due permission here it goes, verbatim from his mail.

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It is hardpoint to pinpoint turning points because fandom evolves but I will try my best.

First up, I would rather play than watch. I am not sure if that makes me less of a fan but going in with 100 to win in 12 overs even in my college edges out watching India try to do the same. There is a certain magical feeling about trying to achieve something individually for a bigger team but maybe that why I always fared better in individual sports than team sports. You cannot replace the feeling of being out there all alone against an undefined force.

I think I love cricket more than IPL, test cricket, ODI and whatever. I truly believe any sport surpasses the stage on which it is played. I love sport. Any sport. I think sports have the ability to bring vast masses of people together for a common cause. I respect every athlete no matter what level they play because as a very bad college player I know how hard it is. The difference between good and great is so small in terms of results but so large in terms of effort. I have watched people way less talented than me make it and I love them for it. I remember losing a soccer final in penalties in Azad Maidan to St.Francis, Bandra and crying for 1 week because of it. I have watched Dennis Xavier be the brightest young tennis star in India and die at 22. I have watched his dad coach him way into sunset at Chembur Gymkhana.

I believe sports gives you a natural setting to experience these emotions like no other. Some events that enhanced my cricket fandom, in no particular order of effect, they are:

1.Vivian Richards 100(77) in Rajkot.
I remember it was some Nehru centennial celebration. Centuries were not supposed to be scored in 77 balls in those times. There was nothing elegant about batting that morning. It was pure violence and maybe thats why I like to watch boxing. I don't think I ever missed Vivian Richards batting after that. The chewing gum, the front-foot hooks and pulls, the utter disdain for the ball but much respect for the bowler. Although the sport is what attracted me, I quickly realized in sport...No Heroes, No game. Sir Isaac Vivian Alexander Richards changed the way I looked at all sports and maybe what it takes to be successful in life...you must look to dominate or you will lose, it is kind of cliched and I don't follow it all the time, but I do while playing any sport :) I never paid for posters except one of his, a big Sportstar poster of him chewing gum - Rs.2

2.Australian TV and commentary
There was something magical about waking up with my dad at 4 in the morning and watch Terry Alderman/Mike Whitney/Craig Mcdermott (ok and everybody else) run in to wreck India. Maybe it was Richie Benaud, Bill Lawry and the gang. I hated waking up in the morning to watch India lose but I did it anyway.

3.Sachin Tendulkar

For what he does off the field - nothing, is what makes him so great. His batting isn't too shabby. To be able to make a billion peoples moods swing along with your willow is a little hard to understand.

4.Wasim Akram 1992 World Cup final vs England
I remember he scored around 40 but there was a cover drive which he hit which is etched in my mind. The ball was hit so hard that the sound of leather on wood and then leader on bill boards was at the most 2 seconds apart. Of course, Allan Lamb and Chris Lewis are still wondering where the 2 balls came from. I hate Wasim Akram, I hate Pakistan but I can never forget those 2 deliveries.

5.Venkatesh Prasad knocking off Aamir Sohail's off stump, 96 WC QF vs Pak

Prasad is enshrined in my hall of fame for that one ball. He needn't do anything else to impress me.

6.Mumbai - Hyderabad Ranji Trophy semi finals, Wankhede, forget the year

Lots of stories, Tendlya losing captaincy to Azhar, Laxman possibly taking over the mantle as India's top batsman, maybe Tendulkar should stop opening since he has lost aggression. Some Hyderabadi bowler got rid of Samir Dighe - biggest mistake in his life. Tendulkar score 124 not out by stumps. It was unlike 1. There was no violence, just a gradually asphyxiation of the opposition. I can recall nobody compared Laxman with Tendulkar after that. My respect for him increased even more because he was advised to rest in that match. Again, the ability to dominate never ceases to inspire.

I think that's it. But my favorite player is still Steven Waugh.

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Collective Conspiracy against GOD

I have mixed feelings today. I could not see THE GOD in action today so I was miserable but feeling glad that I was saved of the heartbreak that the remaining 10 caused us!

He has amassed 17,000 runs in ODIs in 435 matches with 45 hundreds and 91 fifties and yet we question him.

Today was a repeat of the 1999 Chennai heartbreak. Opponents different , the situations the same. Sachin singlehandedly had led the chase then and the rest could not manage the 16 runs. Today he actually made us believe that 350 could be chased and he almost did. 175 of 141 balls and he had singlehandedly almost demolished the Aussies.

We, his team and us fans, failed him yet again. His team cause they could not chase the balance 19 runs of 17 balls and we fans who at the end of the match complained – But he did not complete the target again!

Damn you all dimwits! Yuvraj and Dhoni have never chased a target of 350 – they don’t have it in them. So don’t give me that crap about see how these two stay till the end! They have come into the team where they grew under the shade of the GOD, the WALL and the PRINCE. Give Dhoni and Yuvraj a target of 250-300 and they are fine but give them 300+ and they are down mentally.

There is only one man in this Indian team who for the last 20 years has believed that nothing is impossible and has given it his all. He is the sole person today who believed that 350 was achievable and almost proved it.

Sigh! I’m convinced it’s a collective conspiracy against this man that is going on for the last 20 years. Whatever he does is simply not enough – for his team and for his fans.

There will not be a greater player than him ever – I’m confident of that. At 36 years today he put all those young 20 some things in his team to complete shame. Sixers straight down the track, cheeky runs of the third man area, scintillating cover drives, trademark straight drives. He played every shot in his repository and after 20 years, still manages to enthral us every time he sets his foot on the ground. Tell me who in the current lot is capable of carrying his legacy forward? NONE!

Sachin ‘GOD’ Tendulkar we take a bow, again and again and forever! For last 20 years you have given us so many moments to treasure, so many moments that make us smile and so many moments that make us proud that you belong to us , you belong to India.

And on behalf of all those dimwits who doubt your commitment and feel that you did not stay till the end to achieve a victory – I apologize.

Please forgive them my Lord, for they know not what they do and speak.

Art of Living

I’ve joined Kathak classes in Dubai again after a gap of 10 years. So far have thoroughly enjoyed the experience – even had a stage performance! I have a lovely set of friends there and it is a good break from the daily routine.

We were practising today and at the end of the class were casually chatting. I happened to mention about the Reiki course MDH and I are planning to attend this weekend.

The 5 year old daughter of my friend who was listening to us walked up to me and asked ‘ Aunty what is Reiki?’. I told her it is a Japanese art which teaches spiritual healing – yeah I realised it was too heavy for a 5 year old , so I said it’s an art of living.

The young one looked at me and asked ‘Oh so do they make you do ‘Art and Craft’ there? My friends were in splits while I did not know what to say!

I seriously am at a loss in tackling today’s kids. So much help will be needed when I have one of my own!

Down with Plagiarism

I cannot fathom how people can pass of other’s work as their own. Sure I see it a lot in my offline world but this is not acceptable.

My thoughts and opinions make me unique so don’t try taking them away and publishing as your own.

IHM we love your blog and all your blogposts – your thoughts which are only yours and none not even ShetalShah can make them their own!

In the fight against plagiarism with you – you know you will win this one!

How I Became a Cricket Fan

Prem Panicker shares this interesting bit here and asks us all to write about our initiation into the cricketing fandom.

How could I resist this one? Those who know me – know it’s my first love. It’s also the single most important reason for my biggest regret in life – of not being a good athlete!

How did I get hooked onto to the game? Well here’s my story!

Circa 1991-92

Sharjah series in October where India played tri-series against WI and Pak. I think it was the Wills Trophy. We did actually manage to beat Pak in one of the league games and triumphed fairly easily over WI. Azhar taking some awesome catches in the gully, Sanjay Manjrekar and Sachin Tendulkar messing around with all bowlers. Manjrekar was the man-of-the-series and that also commenced the beginning of my very first crush:-)

The perfectionist that I’m, I gave my father a harrowing time in understanding the game. Papa what is LBW, what is an outswinger, how does the pitch assist, what is a googly, tell me the statistics of Wasim Akram and how the hell is a young lad who is only 18 years old taking the the cricketing world by storm!( Little did I know then that I would be a witness to the birth and entire cricketing life of a prodigy whom I only term as ‘GOD’)

Too many questions and too many tournaments to follow that season. I remember getting up in the wee hours of the day to follow the Ind-Aus test series live on radio – only highlights were shown then on DD in the night. That was also the beginning of following my only idol – the charming commentary of certain Mr. Harsha Bhogle.

Not to fall short in my knowledge – I read up voraciously on the game from whatever I could lay my hands on – World Book Encyclopedia, Cricket magazines – Sportstar and Shatkar( Marathi word for Sixer), Subscriptions to the two followed, Reading the sports page first on both newspapers – Times of India and Loksatta. I have all the articles and newspaper cuttings collected till 2002 ( After this I switched to the world of internet for my article collections!). I devoured cricketing books and watched every damn game. Papa even recorded all the World Cup matches of ‘92 which I would miss owing to school. I still have those recordings – including Sachin’s 84 of 49 balls when he first opened in NZ in ‘94 and Jadeja’s hammering of Waqar Younis – 40 runs in 3 overs – Jadeja hitting 45 off 25 balls in the ‘96 WC quarter-final against Pak in Banglore. I played and replayed them to understand every ball bowled and every shot played.

I fell in love with the game. It is a game that gives you much joy. Test cricket is all about strategy , all about mind games, all about resilience, all about application, all about solidity, all about grit, all about team-work and all about some fascinating stroke play and relentless bowling.

To take my love to new heights, my  uncle and papa took me to Wankhede in ‘93 for India’s match Vs England and there began a new love affair. I love the place, I love the atmosphere, I love the crowds there are none elsewhere. They are intelligent students of the game who appreciate a good game no matter who is playing. I did not miss a single match at the stadium until I moved to Dubai in 2006.I can recall every single ball bowled and every shot played till date, of all the matches I’ve seen live at the stadium.

I’ve bunked school and college. Caught matches between lectures when my MBA college was a ten-minutes walk from the stadium! Heck I did not even miss the ‘96 WC day-night match against Aus at the stadium a day before my final XI exams when my entire group was slogging it out at home! I still did fine in those exams;-) I even completed my MBA CET in time and reached Wankhede for the second innings – India chasing Eng’s target in the 2002 match. (I did well in the exam and made it to one of the best B-schools in the country)! Cricket never hampered my studies! I’ve watched matches alone at the stadium and not got bored at all!!! Yeah that’s how crazy I can be!

Cricket gave me my best friends in college, it even gave me a little bit of fame, and a chance at my dream job. It’s a topic on which I can write forever. Of all the joys it gave me, it gave me my most precious gift – MDH. If I were not a cricket fan I wonder how our conversations would’ve begun!

So there is my long story of cricket fandom cut short – go ahead tell me yours!

My Sister’s Keeper

MDH and I decided to spend the Diwali weekend in Mumbai. Not for celebrations but just to be with our respective moms. My mum was coping with the loss of her mother 3 weeks back and MDH’s mother had undergone a laser operation for her Varicose veins treatment.

So this time around I decided to not call anyone – friends and relatives and just spend the time with mumma and my mom-in-law.

On my way to Mumbai I watched the movie ‘My Sister’s Keeper’. I wanted to see this movie ever since it was released but somehow did not get the chance to see it. I knew the plot and was in two minds if I needed to see a movie about death when all I wanted to do was take that very word out of my mind.

My Sister’s Keeper is the story about the Fitzgerald family – Brian & Sara and their 3 kids – Jesse, Kate and Anna. Kate is diagnosed with ‘Acute promyelocytic leukaemia’ (Cancer of the blood and bone marrow) at a tender age of 3. None of the family members are a match and she needs a constant supply of blood cells and bone marrow. Anna is then conceived through in-vitro fertilization to be a perfect genetic match as Kate’s donor all her life.

Kate is 15 and Anna is 11 when Kate experiences renal failure and is critical. Anna now needs to donate her kidney to Kate. However she heads straight to the famous lawyer Campbell (Alec Baldwin) to file a suit against her parents seeking emancipation of her own body. Sara is distraught and cannot understand Anna’s behaviour.

As the film moves ahead it shows how Sara quit everything - her job as a lawyer and being a mother to her other 2 kids - to shower her entire attention on getting Kate to be better. Many a times Brian tries to tell her but she has turned a deaf ear to one and all and refuses to accept that Kate’s is a terminal case and that she will die sooner or later.

Blinded by her love for the cancer-stricken Kate, she turns a blind eye to her son Jesse who is dyslexic and needs his parents too, and also to Anna – who despite being the perfect girl, feels used and brought in only for a purpose that is to save Kate.

The three kids however share a lovely bond with each other despite the obvious biases of their mother. Anna and Kate discuss all things under the sun including Kate’s first kiss with her boyfriend Taylor whom she meets at cancer clinic, Kate’s insecurities on never being able to look pretty again, and on not being able to lead a normal life.

Even when she is not allowed to step out of the hospital, Brian, Anna and Jesse sneak Kate out for one last family outing at the beach, which is Kate’s favourite place. Sara resists but joins in later.

Anna stands stoic through all of Kate’s pains and never leaves her sister’s side even once. It is this very fact that plants a doubt in the viewer’s mind as to why would this loving sis not sacrifice unless her sister does not want her to.

Brian understands Anna’s predicament while Sara dawns her lawyer shoes to defend the case. Anna pleads for a normal life which she will not be able to enjoy if she gives up her kidney and there is no assurance that Kate will survive too. However, it is Jesse who finally breaks down while Anna continues to be strong. Jesse gives away in the courtroom about Kate’s wish which has everybody in a shock, especially Sara.

Sara realizes that she is the only one who is not ready to let Kate go whereas Brian, Anna and Jesse are ready; for they know that Kate will be at peace, and that is what matters to them most. They have accepted but Sara has not; although Kate had tried telling her in many ways before as Brian points out.

Kate finally lets go. In her memory, the Fitzgerald family meets every year at the same beach on her birthday.

The movie is brilliant – it touches the right chord, it does not glorify Kate’s illness, it does not get melodramatic, the plot, the acting is subtle just as it would happen in our daily lives. The dialogues are simple and touch your heart especially the ones between Anna and Kate & Brian and Kate.

Abigail Breslin steals the show. She is my favourite child-star along with Dakota Fanning and Anna Paquin (Both are no longer child-stars). She is a natural in front of camera. And if you want to see more of her do catch ‘Raising Helen’, ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ and ‘Definitely Maybe’. She is a delight to watch and the innocence she oozes in her performances is addictive.

Cameron Diaz delivers a stellar performance but having read the review she got I still feel that Kate and Anna overshadow her completely. When the movie ends what stays with you are their heartfelt performances more than Sara’s outbursts.

Why I liked My Sister’s Keeper a lot is probably cause of the state of my mind then. I too was trying to cope up with the death of a beloved and struggling to help my mother get out of it.

My Sister’s Keeper tells us to first make peace with ourselves and then make a choice with our life. Not everyone is going to be happy with the choices we make but they will accept it sooner or later and see the reason behind it. Sara finally saw that Kate wanted to be free, and make Sara free to love Anna and Jesse who had been ignored due to Kate’s illness.

The movie is all about love – between sisters, between a mother and daughter, between a husband and wife – the one bond – the love that binds a family together!

P.S: The soundtrack is delightful and reminds you of the one from My Best Friend’s Wedding where every song was apt to the scene and melodious to the hilt!